The monster (next door)
I was at work the other day when a message from a friend popped up. “You might want to know about this. It looks pretty close to you.” I clicked the link and my heart sunk. The message was a public notice from the county sheriff. A sex offender had moved into our area. He lived less than three miles from our home.
This might not seem close to you, but in the rural farmland of Wisconsin, a house three miles away is practically a next door neighbor. I knew the house. We drive past it every day. It sits on the same road as our home. If this man drove west instead of east, he would pass our farm, perhaps seeing my children playing outside on the tree swing next to the road, on their trampoline in the backyard next to the road, or tending to their small garden plots next to the road.
Based on the public comments attached to the sheriff’s notice, the desire for vigilante justice is alive and well. Burn ‘em, kill ‘em, castrate ‘em, and send ‘em away were among the top solutions posed by the mob. It’s easy to condemn those that have committed such horrific crimes. It’s far more difficult to recognize that this sex offender was likely abused himself and was, therefore, a victim before he was a perpetrator. He served his time in prison. Now he needs to go on with his life as best he can, given his own limitations and the near-universal outrage he will face for the rest of his life.
Recognizing the man’s humanity does not, however, mean that a parent should not be wise and vigilant. I shared the news with my wife and then called my kids together. I showed them his picture and explained where he was living and what he had done (in the most general of terms). I also explained that if they were ever to see him, they should let us know immediately. Since we have no prior relationship with this man, there is no legitimate reason for him to come to our home. We reiterated our rules about approaching people who come to or near our home. If someone the kids do not know is looking for gas, asking for directions, or stops and gets out of the car they are to go inside the house and lock it. Mom or dad will handle the rest.
The kids asked a few questions and generally seemed fine with it, except for my seven-year-old son. He became a bit fixated on the man’s crimes and began concocting scenarios where the man was coming to our house. In retrospect, I see that he was too young to receive this news. For the rest of the family, it was a great opportunity to renew our rules and also to explain that the kids should not be worried or afraid. I told them, “Your mother and I do not live in fear and we are not raising you to live in fear, either. We shared this so you could be informed and make wise choices.”
After that, we enjoyed a normal supper that included some yelling, a lot of shushing, and a few small people being excused from the table.
For reflection:
How would you handle a similar situation with your family?
What kinds of fears does this scenario bring out for you?
If you look deeper, what do those fears tell you is at work under the surface of your life?