Responding to an Accidental Exposure to Pornography
It finally happened. My twelve-year-old daughter was exposed to a pornographic image online. We have filtering software on all our computers and phones, use pop-up blockers, and have the family computer in a central open area of the house. Yet, when trying to pull up a live sporting event, a pop-up jumped out and showed a busty topless cartoon figure. My daughter did everything right. She clicked it off immediately, left the computer and told us what happened right away. But, the damage was done. She expressed her dismay hours later that the image kept appearing in her thoughts. We talked it through and prayed that God would “pixelate” the image in her mind, so that when her thoughts went to it, it would be obscured. This is a prayer I have used many times myself.
I am not surprised that this happened, but my heart is grieved nonetheless. While I am angry about the assault on my daughter’s heart, mind, and spirit, I am also relieved that her first exposure happened four years later than my own. I first saw pornography at the age of seven at a friend’s house. From the beginning, it had a strong pull on me. I wish someone could have walked me though that experience, but I was too ashamed to tell anyone what happened and too interested in seeing more whenever I visited that friend.
We live in a fallen, messy, imperfect world. I can’t protect my children from all the harm out there and all the predatory sexuality seeking to confuse and mislead them. Long ago, I realized what I needed to do. Failing as a dad seemed a foregone conclusion. I was (and am) a sinner who will make mistakes, be selfish, lash out in anger, say hurtful things, and generally not be everything my kids need me to be. How, Lord, am I supposed to raise kids when I am this much of a mess inside?
My answer came in a parable Jesus shared about a farmer whose field was attacked by an enemy that planted weeds among his wheat. When the weeds sprouted, the farm hands asked the owner if they should pull out the weeds. No, he replied, let them grow together, lest you damage the good crop that I am bringing to completion.
This is what I needed to know. My daughter’s exposure to pornography is a real tragedy worthy of sadness and anger, but I can't change anything by blaming myself for not protecting her better. My job is to teach the difference between the weeds and the wheat and to fertilize the good crops as much and as often as I can by teaching the goodness of sexuality and the human body, by demonstrating godly love toward my wife and children, by modeling both repentance and forgiveness in my words and actions. Ours is not a house of perfection or goodness so much as it is a place of forgiveness and a refuge of grace.
The weeds of this culture are ravenous and will quickly take over a young mind if it is not also being nourished by the good, the true, and the beautiful elements of God’s good creation.
For discussion:
Have you experienced this tragedy in your own home already? What did you do?
If your kids haven’t been exposed yet, what can you do now to prepare for that day?
If you think your kids haven’t yet been exposed, how can you be sure? Are you talking with them about the dangers online and what to do about them?