Talking with My Daughter in the Car about Sex
Not long ago, during a short drive one of my daughters asked, “Dad, how do you keep a guy from pressuring you into sex?”
Perhaps you’ve been in a similar situation. The natural tendency for some parents is to get nervous or even agitated. When facing these kinds of questions, I usually ask what prompted the question or ask for the context.
My daughter shared that she and her boyfriend had been talking about sex and that they had different perspectives of the right time for sex. Apparently this young man’s threshold for sex was lower than my daughter’s, which is “not until a ring is on my finger and we are married.” She was concerned that because he has been more shaped by the culture than by the Church, sex was going to become a divisive issue in their blossoming relationship.
She’s not your little girl any longer.
Over the next fifteen minutes or so, we calmly talked about her decision about sex and why her boyfriend may be pushing for sex. Rather than get angry at her boyfriend, I took a different tack. I shared how his friend are likely teasing him and pressuring him to have sex, that he was likely influenced by pornography, and that he probably didn’t have anyone in his life teaching him a godly vision of sexuality and relationships.
I was also able to affirm that I liked this young man and supported their relationship. By sharing this, my goal was to not create a wedge that might rupture her relationship with either her boyfriend or with me. Throughout our conversation, I was able to affirm my support and confidence in her while helping her to see the challenge of dating relationships in a pornographic world.
Another thing I did was to share more about my own sexual story. I confessed that while I had saved intercourse for marriage, I also had been sexually active before marriage. Yet, the joy and comfort I felt with her mother the morning after our wedding day was something I wished for her. We shared much more than I can write about in a short post, but we both agreed that talking about sex was not uncomfortable for either of us.
This is not true for every family, but we can all get a little more comfortable with these uncomfortable situations. It takes practice, patience, and trust in each other, which happens over time through many trials, failures, and successes.
For reflection:
Have you experienced a similar situation? How do you feel it went?
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