Put Another Dime in the Jukebox, Baby
Many families struggle to connect through their generational differences. In my home, helpful guidance is often turned away with, “That’s how it was in your day, Dad. It’s different now.” Much has changed since I was a boy, but these tensions have been in families for a long time. I still remember my mother taking eight-year-old me to the theater to watch the 3-hour film Passage to India or forcing me to sing along with the VHS version of the 60s-era musical South Pacific. B-O-R-I-N-G! Of course that hasn’t deterred me from inflicting my favorite films on my kids.
Although we don’t always click on all media, we’ve discovered one way to connect and really enjoy ourselves. It happened like this.
One night we were sitting around, kind of bored, and I felt the urge to listen to music as a family. I opened my Spotify account (you can get this for free on your phone or computer) and added a song to the cue. Then I hit play and invited all the kids to add a song of their choice in turn. When they were finished, we all added a second song, a third, and a fourth. As the music played, my son ran to his bedroom and returned with a set of disco lights. We set these up and soon we were all dancing like mad and laughing like crazy.
My family’s musical tastes overlap in some areas and diverge in others. By giving everyone a turn, however, we could learn new songs and enjoy old favorites together. My son, the youngest in the family, listens to a lot of goofy kids music, so when his selection on the “jukebox” came up we were all prepared to groan. Instead, he fooled us all and played the Imperial Death March from Star Wars. It was hilarious and we all congratulated him on a great choice. He was beaming with the affirmation he doesn’t always receive from his older sisters.
Since that first time, we’ve had many “jukebox” nights. These can occur at any hour and always seem to bring us closer. One of my daughters and I have also begun sharing songs via text and email when we discover something new.
In many families, music choices are the source of tension and division. Parents are rightly concerned by the themes and lyrics in much of popular music today. The idea behind a family “jukebox night” is both to invite your kids deeper into your heart’s story as well as to be fully present as they invite you into theirs.
You can anticipate hearing some songs you don’t like, but even these differences can open up conversation and connection if we allow them to. As you explore your son’s or daughter’s musical selections, ask genuine and non-judgmental questions about it, such as:
What drew you to this song? Was it the rhythm, lyrics, or beat?
How do you feel when you hear this song? or Do you play this song when you feel a certain way?
Are the lyrics meaningful to you or is the overall sound more important?
Music is a great equalizer, and is among the greatest gifts God has given to our souls. It can heighten or soften a mood, communicate a heart-felt longing, or bridge divisions. It can also be a point of positive connection in an otherwise fragmented world. May it be so for you and your family.
P.S. The 1940s song above is exactly the kind of song I would slip into the cue just to hear my children groan!