Parenting Hack: Fifteen 4 Life
I don’t know what it’s like for other parents, but when my wife and I get home each night after work, we are wiped out. Like many of you, I spend a lot of time on email, the phone, and Zoom calls. I also work alone, so if anything needs doing I am the only one to get it done. I’m a big picture type of guy, so spending my day running down endless details is a hard personal grind. Likewise, my wife, who is a happy introvert but can fake being a great extrovert often has calls and visitors that force her to be “on” at work, when she’d rather hunker down and get her work done.
So, every night Big Picture Guy and Beautiful Introvert are bombarded by five little birds, all squawking for attention, food, help with this or that, and food. There’s homework to oversee, chores to supervise, dinner to get cooked, a house to clean, and all my wife and I really want to do is find a quiet room and sleep. But, don’t cry for me Argentina. We cultivated much of this chaos by not allowing our kids to get lost in phones, tablets, and video game machines. By keeping this time-sucking devices away from our kids, they rely on us for entertainment, perhaps, more than do kids in other families. It’s a good problem to have, but there are definitely some problems in how this works itself out on a daily basis.
For one, this chaotic home life is not conducive to building and strengthening relational bonds. On a typical night, my interactions with my kids are far more situational or circumstantial than I’d like to admit. It’s ridiculously hard to find quality time together. We inhabit the same home, but are we truly living, loving, and growing together?
This pace and the personal impact of my daily grind has led me to rethink how I approach my role Dad. I’ve been developing a parenting hack I call Fifteen 4 Life. Before I get home from work and reengage my family, I try to set aside 15 minutes during the day to simply sit quietly, pray over, and think about the other members of my family.
What are their needs today and how can I meet them?
How can I show them love today in a specific, memorable way?
Is God sharing anything with me that I should pursue, like a certain question, a special blessing, or a walk alone?
I prefer to write down my ideas so I don’t forget them when the day gets busy again.
As busy as life has gotten for all of us, we should be able to find 15 minutes of quiet time to prepare for loving our kids and spouse better. That’s the “4 Life” part of this. By doing a few thoughtful and loving acts each day, our connections grow stronger, our trust deepens, the dialogues get more real, and we enjoy each other’s presence far more than we would with a little less intentionality in our lives.
Questions for reflection:
1. How easy or hard would it be for you to set aside 15 minutes of thoughtful time each day for your family?
2. Could you pair this time with a coffee, tea, or dessert to make it a time of blessing for you, as well?
3. Is this a practice you would someday like your kids to know about and embrace?