Kids and Pornography: It’s Not What You Think

I’ve been studying the impact of pornography professionally for almost twenty years and the most common question I’ve heard over two decades is, “How many people are looking at it?” The answer, it turns out, is really hard to know.

Most of what passes for research on pornography use is worthless. Small sample sizes, poorly worded questions, and selection bias are just a few of the reasons such research is so unreliable. Very few researchers take the time or interest to do high-quality, nationally representative research on porn-use habits.

That’s why two recent studies on young people’s pornography use are so noteworthy. Most recently, a report in the Journal of Health Communication offered a preliminary finding from a more detailed survey on youth porn use. Researchers found that 84.4% of males and 57% of females ages 14 to 18 in the United States have been exposed to pornography.1

We’ll need to wait for further results to be published, but until then, a 2019 study from Great Britain offers a few more details. Researchers there found that half of children ages 11-13 and two-thirds of youth ages 14-15 have seen pornography at some point. Eight in ten 16-17 year-olds have seen pornography, with 41% of all teens that age viewing it within the previous two weeks.2

Another significant finding from this survey of more than 1,100 children, is that much porn exposure is unintentional or accidental, including 62% of the exposures for children aged 11-13.

These findings are consistent with other published reports. Sadly, there is another consistency along the research spanning many years. Namely, parents are largely unaware of their children’s interaction with pornography.

Three-quarters of the parents interviewed believed their children had not seen online pornography, when 63% of them actually did. This perception gap likely also correlates to the amount of unintentional pornography exposure kids are experiencing. Because parents don’t believe their kids have seen it, they don’t believe they need to talk about it. Even those that do, may not be helping as much as they’d like to think. Sixty percent of parents in the survey claimed to have discussed pornography with their child, but very few children recalled having such a conversation.

Five healthy takeaways

While these numbers are a bit alarming, they also offer great starting points for making positive changes in the home.

1. If you aren’t talking with your kids about pornography, know that someone else is. In the British survey, only 15 percent of 11-13 year-olds hadn’t yet heard of pornography. A vast majority knew about it and half had already seen it. Remember, porn isn’t waiting to be found by kids. It is actively seeking victims through pop-ups, search engine tricks, and advanced search algorithms.

2. Even if you have talked about pornography with your child, they likely don’t remember it. Parents can’t have a single porn talk and call it done. Discussing important issues like pornography must be done so frequently that it is natural, normal, and even a bit boring to your kids.

3. Start talking about pornography with young children. As a parent, you want to be the first person to bring up the topic of pornography. Why? So you control the narrative. Porn is lying to kids about love, sex, and relationships. The British survey found that “girls in particular were found to watch pornography to learn ‘what to do’ during sex….” If your child is old enough to access the internet, they are old enough to be told that some bad things can be encountered online, including people not wearing clothes and touching each other’s private parts.

4. Form a plan of action for you and your child. It isn’t enough to talk about pornography; your child needs to know what to do WHEN he or she encounters it. Walk them through some basic actions to take, such as turning off the screen or clicking off the site immediately, walking away from the desk or phone, and telling you as soon as possible. Assure them that they won’t be punished for telling you.

5. Finally, stop assuming that pornography won’t be a problem for your child. The issue isn’t whether or not you have a “good” kid, but whether pornography will respect your wishes to leave your family alone. Pornography is carefully tailored to provide maximum thrill and pleasure. Many “good” kids see it and get hooked.

Questions for reflection:

1. What stood out to you from the research above? Was it a number, a realization, or an emotion? Dig a bit deeper into the “why” of your response.

2. Given the findings above, are there some action steps you need to take in your own family? When will you do this?

3. Do you know other parents that need to know about this research? Take a moment to forward this article to them with your own thoughts included.

My new book, coauthored with Josh Glaser, offers a wide variety of tips and helpful suggestions for parents. Order Treading Boldly Through a Pornographic World: A Field Guide for Parents today.

-----------------

Research citations:

1. Paul J. Wright, Bryant Paul, and Debby Herbenick, "Preliminary Insights from a U.S. Probability Sample on Adolescents' Pornography Exposure, Media Psychology, and Sexual Aggression," Journal of Health Communication (2021), doi: 10.1080/10810730.2021.1887980.

2. BBFC Research into Children and Pornography, https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-us/news/children-see-pornography-as-young-as-seven-new-report-finds (accessed 03-15-2021).